Running Real Life Rules for First Time Parents
Ok, I'm dedicating this post to my brother and sister-n-law who will soon be parents for the first time. This is the beginning of what I'm afraid will be a long running list of rules that you only learn from not-so-pleasant real life experiences. Even after three kids I'm still learning lots of things about raising kids. Some of these I already learned in the past, but I've saved the most recently learned rule for the end, which is really not the end, but the end of this list today. So here it goes. Hope it helps, Jase and Rach, and remember, this list is not to scare you or overwhelm you, but to make your life WAY easier than mine. Consider it the best baby gift you could ever receive, minimizing stress, disasters, and unnecessary spending.
Rule #1: Do not under any circumstance leave the following products within a 3 ft. reach of your under 3 years old child.... Vaseline, lotion, soap, detergant, matches, pills, batteries, cereal, oatmeal, sugar, flour, formula, drinks, scissors, stapler, reading glasses, sun glasses, coins, plastic, balloons, knives, toilet paper, paper towels, cords, needles, markers, crayons, and basically anything that's smaller than a golf ball. (I'm sure there's more, but that's enough to chew on for now; Ha! chew was an accidental pun)
Rule #2: Before leaving the house with your child be sure to have the following: plenty of diapers and wipes, bottles and formula (unless nursing), change of clothes (if nursing an extra shirt for yourself, (not you Jason)), tissues, snacks, and a bonus points if you take a first aid kit, mylanta, thermometer, children's tylenol, and an aspirator (I wasn't quite that good)
Rule #3: Baby Einstein is a MUST HAVE, that is if you plan to take a shower, get dressed, cook a meal, or have a phone conversation in peace.
Rule #4: You must follow this formula if you plan to make your appointments on time. X=how long it takes you to get dressed in the mornings NOW, Y=how long it will take you to get yourself dressed, one child dressed, and get out the door. Here's the formula: X * 3=Y (I used to get dressed and out the door in 20-30 minutes, now with three kids it's more like 2 hours and I'm almost ALWAYS 10-20 minutes late, just ask Sugar.)
Rule#5: If you find yourself wanting to purchase a cute little snuggly stuffed animal, slap yourself and put it back as quickly as possible. I can count on one hand how many of them I purchased myself. The rest were gifts and if all the stuffed animals in my house magically became a human army ready to attack, everyone on my street would be dead in less than 60 seconds. But don't worry, this has never happened, obviously. I think they only come alive when we aren't home :).
Rule #6: And for the most recently learned rule which inspired this list in the first place, be sure your child (particularly around the age of 1) has had PLENTY to eat before naptime AND has pants on at all times during his or her nap. I found Paisley today in her crib, diaper off, eating her own poop; there I said it. UGHUGHUGH!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOO GROSS!!!!!! I think some sort of baby suspenders should be designed to prevent this.
Stay tuned for more Running Real Life Rules for First Time Parents..........
Rule #1: Do not under any circumstance leave the following products within a 3 ft. reach of your under 3 years old child.... Vaseline, lotion, soap, detergant, matches, pills, batteries, cereal, oatmeal, sugar, flour, formula, drinks, scissors, stapler, reading glasses, sun glasses, coins, plastic, balloons, knives, toilet paper, paper towels, cords, needles, markers, crayons, and basically anything that's smaller than a golf ball. (I'm sure there's more, but that's enough to chew on for now; Ha! chew was an accidental pun)
Rule #2: Before leaving the house with your child be sure to have the following: plenty of diapers and wipes, bottles and formula (unless nursing), change of clothes (if nursing an extra shirt for yourself, (not you Jason)), tissues, snacks, and a bonus points if you take a first aid kit, mylanta, thermometer, children's tylenol, and an aspirator (I wasn't quite that good)
Rule #3: Baby Einstein is a MUST HAVE, that is if you plan to take a shower, get dressed, cook a meal, or have a phone conversation in peace.
Rule #4: You must follow this formula if you plan to make your appointments on time. X=how long it takes you to get dressed in the mornings NOW, Y=how long it will take you to get yourself dressed, one child dressed, and get out the door. Here's the formula: X * 3=Y (I used to get dressed and out the door in 20-30 minutes, now with three kids it's more like 2 hours and I'm almost ALWAYS 10-20 minutes late, just ask Sugar.)
Rule#5: If you find yourself wanting to purchase a cute little snuggly stuffed animal, slap yourself and put it back as quickly as possible. I can count on one hand how many of them I purchased myself. The rest were gifts and if all the stuffed animals in my house magically became a human army ready to attack, everyone on my street would be dead in less than 60 seconds. But don't worry, this has never happened, obviously. I think they only come alive when we aren't home :).
Rule #6: And for the most recently learned rule which inspired this list in the first place, be sure your child (particularly around the age of 1) has had PLENTY to eat before naptime AND has pants on at all times during his or her nap. I found Paisley today in her crib, diaper off, eating her own poop; there I said it. UGHUGHUGH!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOO GROSS!!!!!! I think some sort of baby suspenders should be designed to prevent this.
Stay tuned for more Running Real Life Rules for First Time Parents..........
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